Mass Effect : Returned (spinoff)
by harby
Summary: 25 years post-synthesis, Alice Shepard somehow comes back from being disintegrated by that beam. Her obsession is to find Liara, but this is not going to be easy. This is an ending I wrote for a long- abandoned but great story here.
1. Takeoff

_This is a spinoff to a great abandoned story on this website._

 ** _Read the original first:_** _Search for member "themarshal". Find story "Returned" in his or her profile. Enjoy! Then come back here._

 _25 years post-synthesis, FemShep somehow comes back from being disintegrated by the Reaper beam. The Normandy is still missing, and the relays are still offline. Shep's obsession is to find Liara, but this is not going to be easy... Shep negociates her way aboard a brand new asari ship, apparently capable of much faster FTL speeds._

 _Rated M for horror. It is Synthesis after all._

.

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Takeoff**

I ride the skycar home and rush into the shower. I need to clear up my thoughts.

How could I not see it! I had let despair take the best of me, and lost years whimpering about myself. _Time to catch up and remember who you are, Shepard._

I'm finally leaving this place, this useless life... but finding Liara is not going to be easy. I will not be captain of this ship, only a more or less welcome passenger. We may go towards her, but we may as well go the opposite direction. It's a bet, but it is the only option I have. I will need help.

How could I not see it ? Such an obvious clue, hanging in front of me, for all this time ?

The reapers are gone. Everyone has strange green circuits showing through their skins, but I'm the only one to see them. Synthesis was supposed to be the best solution. It ended the war. It was meant to change everything, yet no-one cares about it. What did it do to us?

And my body feels the same as before.

Did I die so everyone could have fancy glowing tatoos that made the reapers love us and go away ? There must be more to it... It must _mean_ something.

There seems to be much less sickness around, quarians don't need suits anymore, I heal suspiciously quickly, which is all nice, but irrelevant. That damn catalyst told me it would reconcile organics and synthetics... how does that work ?

I was disintegrated and used as parts to build this... thing. That should give me at least a head-start in understanding it... but I still have no idea.

My omni-tool beeps. I get out of this shower, pack up a few things... clothes, some of my favourite paintings of her, my painter's kit, my terminal... few things really. I came here naked, on that beach. I see no reason to leave with much more. I throw the rest into a large cardboard box, clean up, pay my rent, and leave.

I arrive at the rendez-vous one hour early. I'm not missing this one.

.

* * *

During mission briefing, I am introduced to the crew as Alice Shepard. Not _that_ one, though. Same family, which neatly explains how I look like _her_ , and... allows a bit of _her_ prestige to rub off on me. Admiral Lidanya introduces me as a "human observer" without any authority. Some of the crew seem to disagree with my presence, but the admiral's authority is respected.

Our mission is simple: reach the _Dawn Seeker_. Apparently I do not yet have clearance to know more. I wait outside the briefing room while they finish.

It's already more than I could ever have asked for.

.

* * *

While our shuttle rises to orbit, I recline my head back, grin, and thank God, then Goddess, then Lidanya, then Liara. I have no idea how I resurrected, but I know why. The hope of being with her again brings back all the smiles I didn't have in the last five years. Strike that. Thirty years.

Sitting at my left, Lilinella, a young, polite asari who has been assigned to watch over me.

"ETA four minutes."

I remember the Destiny Ascension, such a beautiful, sleek ship. More like a palace cruise ship than a dreadnought. When coming aboard, I'd thought "Nice, but lots of extra weight."

Our destination is now visible through the windows. It is quite large, like a small dreadnought.

I laugh, hold Lili's hand and chuckle "You're the best, girls."

The thing looks like a wreck. All credits, time and design effort went into making whatever magic is inside work, then they slapped a hull and engines on it and called it a ship. Bare metal, no paint, all simple shapes, it looks like it's been built by broke quarians.

Asari can do things in a hurry, after all. This means a lot to me. Ugly is efficient. Like the crucible, this thing has a mission, a purpose, and it has priorities. Looking good just isn't on the list.

Lili explains: "This is not the _Dawn Seeker_ , Alice. This is the _First Step_. Our first step."

No more questions. We board.

.

* * *

The inside of the ship seems to be one single elongated room, a gigantic cargo hold. Doors along its sides hint at more conventional quarters somewhere. The crew discharges cargo crates into a mass effect conveyor: a series of aligned rings, going lengthwise along the cargo hold. As crates are loaded into it, they leisurely float away inside, to their destination, which is hidden from view by more piles of crates.

I follow Lili along the conveyor.

She is part of the science team who designed this ship, and promises to explain as much as she can. Embarrassed, she informs me that she has been assigned to me because she is "the only one to really like humans here." Her blushing makes things very clear.

She reminds me of Liara, in a way. Youngest member of a team of geniuses, enthusiastic, passionate, yet a bit shy and awkward... and fortunately, she doesn't look like her at all, which means I'm not bursting into tears right now.

We reach the other end of the cargo hold. In the center of the back wall, floats a tiny, yet very bright speck of light, apparently suspended there by complex machinery. The whole thing screams of a cutting-edge prototype of something that should not even be possible. Asari scientists are checking and adjusting the consoles, seemingly satisfied.

The conveyor leads to the floating spark.

"This is it", Lili says, with pride and awe in her voice.

"Is this your mini mass-relay ? Something so small ?"

"Alice, you know we repaired the Charon relay. When we figured out how it worked, I felt humiliated. The Reapers had made these relays enormous, cumbersome, and impractical, _on purpose_.

They wanted us to consider them as almost divine, and impossible to replicate. They did not want us to ask questions about the trap they laid. They wanted us to build conventional FTL ships, and use their relays."

She impresses me. "Amazing... that makes sense."

Admiral Lidanya orders operations to start. Asari scientists fasten their seat belts, put on safety glasses and protective earmuffs, and cast barriers. The machinery begins to hum with more intent. Lili explains.

"Remember the Conduit ? Or the citadel beam ? This is similar, except instead of approaching from the outside and being shot into space, you will simply go through. Like a door. It is a simplification of Reaper tech, much more energy-efficient."

"Alice, this floating speck of light over there is the gate. Right now, its aperture is extremely small, only letting through a communications beam. We will enlarge it and go through. Like the Conduit, as I said."

"Why the conveyor ?"

"Well, power draw depends on aperture size. When fully open, it is _voracious_. So we only open it for a fraction of a second... which is why you will be shot through it by this... gun. Don't worry, there is a decelerator at the other end. I should warn you it feels a little bit weird, though."

Damn. This always happened to me before I died. Why should that change ?

What can I do, except nod. We walk back towards the entrance to the conveyor.

Our crew enters it, one at a time, just like the crates did. I go last, with Lili in front. As I admit to myself that I am scared shitless, I also notice this is the best day of my new life! It feels so good to be back! I smash a fist into my palm and solemnly swear that no amount of crazy shit will stop be before I find her.

We float inside, and the sensation is surprisingly pleasant. It reminds me of Liara using her biotics to make me float above the bed, while making love...

The PA pulls me out of my daydreaming, sharply announcing "Ready to shoot." Acknowledgements are given, then a countdown.

"Three."

The noise goes progressively louder, It starts sounding like a full-blown storm wind, although the air is still. I cover my ears. All I see in front of me is Lili's butt.

"Two."

The other end of the room lights up in a white so intense I can see the veins through my eyelids.

"One."

The air all around us tingles. It no longer feels like air. My hair stands on end. My whole body is shaking.

Then everything happens so fast that I am not even conscious of being shot through and caught at the other end. I am just... there, floating inside another mass effect conveyor. The gate is behind me, closed, just a small speck of light again.

Still floating, Lili turns around with some difficulty and flapping of arms, and proudly tells me "Welcome aboard the _Dawn Seeker_!"

We get out, one by one.

She was right. It felt just like a mass relay jump... a bit weird, but that's all.

.

* * *

After we exit the conveyor, Lili walks me through the ship. It is a larger version of the First Step, its cargo hold well stocked with supplies for a long haul trip. It is also a real dreadnaught, with proper weapons. The asari don't intend to go exploring without taking precautions.

She downloads a map into my omni-tool, and takes me to the observation lounge.

The view is amazing. We are orbiting Benning, and right in front of us, sits another First Step. Space mechs and workers in exoskeletons are assembling the hull, sending spark plumes into the void.

"We now have enough materials and parts here to finish it.", says Lili.

"This is... beautiful."

"Once its construction is finished, it will be the first link in our new transport network! Perhaps later, we will build larger relays, to send ships through, or repair the original relays, but at the moment it appears more important to quickly build smaller, cheaper ones, to reestablish communications and transport people and supplies. We can send parts to build more _Dawn Seeker_ s too. I hope your people build their own."

"Amazing plan."

This makes Lili glow.

"The _Dawn Seeker_ will soon depart... of course, our ultimate target is Thessia, but we will take a more winding path to seed new relays. I think we will visit at least Sur'Kesh, then Tuchanka, along the way. This will be a very long trip, Shepard, but you should live long enough to see the end."

 _I don't seem to age, but... Liara is waiting, and I have no idea where. We'll see. At least, I can return to Earth using the onboard relay, if things don't work out... Damn, I miss her so much..._


	2. The Dawn Seeker

**Chapter 2: The Dawn Seeker**

* * *

 **Shepard's log**

 **Day 30**

The ship is spectacular. The old Normandy needed to be refueled every other day, or so it seemed. Here, we pull in supplies and fuel from Earth and Benning about every month through the relay. I still can't get used to this thing. We are in the middle of nowhere, yet if we need anything, we ask for it, and here it comes.

But it isn't as simple as I had thought. I could go back to Earth if I wanted, but I'll never be able to talk my way back in. They have been nice enough to let me aboard in the first place. This means I'm stuck here. Well, this is what I wanted.

More ships are being built on Earth. Also, when we reach Thessia, several ships' worth of parts will be sent to us, so we can build them there.

We are not really exploring, though. We may make small detours to check on worlds that seem to have potential, but our target is Thessia. Salarians got lucky that they are on the way, so we'll drop by to give them the _Dawn Seeker_ blueprints. Krogans are also on the way... I suspect the asari want to check on them, rather than help them.

I'm observing. That's my supposed job. I'm bored to death. No sign of the Normandy.

 **Day 50**

The science and tech staff are always busy. Half the people who understand how this thing works are on earth building more. The other half is here, making sure it doesn't break down.

The Admiral and her small military detail are also bored to death. Even asari get bored, it just takes a lot longer than us. Sometimes we play cards. Booze comes through the relay. I ran out of paint.

 **Day 80**

Finally. I talked Lili into it. Well, she's been hitting on me for a while, so I promised her dinner together, _if_ she'd allow me to help her team on their work. I need to do something, dammit!

That worked out pretty well... although I turned her down, which made me feel sorry... When she saw my cabin walls covered with portraits of Liara, she understood.

If I had been single, I'd probably have fallen for her. Life sucks.

We found a few interesting planets. Still no sign of the Normandy.

 **Day 100**

My days are lot less boring now. I "observe" as the tech staff keeps us alive.

We are riding a prototype. Today, as almost every day, something broke. Lili requested my help. When I inquired about what it did, she told me not to worry, as there was a redundancy. When I asked what would happen if that also broke... her look made me understand that fixing it was much more urgent than asking questions. Fortunately, reliability of replacement modules improves steadily. At least, our sacrifice could benefit others...

"I will crawl inside this access hole on my back and you will pass me the tools.", said Lili

It's hot in here. We are both wearing shorts. Her feet come out of the hole. I'm crouching there. She calls "Two feet coax jumper, J3-M connectors, please. And torque wrench." I browse inside my mobile inventory unit, open a drawer, fetch the items, and reach my arm far inside, feeling my way along her legs. I set the cable and the tool on her naked thigh. She takes them from my hand, and thanks me.

Then, I fetch a J3-F to J4-M adapter from my drawer, and pass it to her.

"How did you know I needed that ?"

I didn't. We had a lot of skin contact though. Maybe ?...

I put on gloves. No more precog. Then I remove the gloves and leave my hand on her ankle. She doesn't even need to ask for tools, my hand fetches them on its own.

 _Shit._

I don't want to freak her out, so I wait for her to ask. Still... is this the connection Synthesis was supposed to be about ?

 **Day 102**

I seem to be part of the tech staff now. It keeps me occupied, and the girls are really fun to be with.

First asari I got to know turned out to me my "one true love" as we say, but I still know very little of her culture. And now, I'm discovering that despite their quirks, they're just… people. They're very smart, good at what they do, all very different, yet get along well together. They feel so alive, like we were on the old Normandy. They're _funny_. Besides, so far, none of them gave me the lifetime bullshit yet.

I get along well with the rest of the crew also. Even the admiral said hello to me while passing by. her voice was... troubling.

Today, at dinner, I observed. The girls stared at me much more than appropriate. Am I that... sexually attractive ? Exotic ?

Also, no-one said "pass me the salt", not even the spices. They just passed themselves.

We still have those strange green circuits under our skins.

 **Day 103**

Often, I feel watched. I look over my shoulder, and see an empty corridor.

 **Day 104**

I need to figure out how this works. It gives me the creeps.

I've been focusing on my skin-circuits every day since we left, without any effects. I don't feel anything special, and my fingers certainly aren't shooting lightning bolts. Still, they must do something!

 **Day 105**

I asked for Lili's help. I... asked if she saw them, but she did not. Then, we sat on my bed, and I placed my hand on her forehead and tried to read her thoughts.

Words did not work. However, when she inadvertently visualized herself kissing me, it came across loud and clear.

We were not melding... so it must have been the "connection."

I felt like an asshole, asking her to do that, knowing she really wants me... but the others would probably laugh at the idea of trying this telepathy bullshit.

Still, she was fascinated. We spent the whole evening trying to exchange thoughts. When she asked me "Does it work ?", I received it not as words but as concepts. Some decoding was needed, but... it would be usable. At some point, we could do it without touching.

Then I tickled her with my mind... I couldn't prolong though, because she liked it way too much.

 _Where the fuck is this going ?_

 **Day 106**

I was standing in front of the ship's VI server, having no idea why I was there. Shortly after, it crashed. Apparently one of the recent upgrades had bugs.

 _Before it crashed, I felt it calling for help._

 _Is that... Synthesis ?_

 **Day 110**

Lili told me she could do the telepathy trick with some of her friends, too. They didn't find it very useful at first, because melding was much better... but melding needs touch, and this does not.

Amazing.

 **Day 120**

I'm beginning to understand now.

Lili was eating, lost in her thoughts... she'd aim for a pea in her plate, stick her fork in it, then ate it. That was cute...

I was the one choosing the pea she would hit next. Every Fucking Time. This was not a game between us, I had not asked her.

I would look at a pea, send her the thought, and she would pick it without knowing.

She grabbed the bread and cut herself a slice. I was looking at her delicate hand, thinking it would feel great to hold it in mine. I wanted to kiss this fingertip. The knife went clean through and severed it just above the nail.

We both ran towards the med bay.

Shit... I'm so sorry... _What have I done ?_

 **Day 124**

Lili's hand is fine. Praise modern medical science.

I don't know what is worse. That I inadvertently made her cut her finger, or that she was glad I cared so much about her, when I refused to leave her alone in the med bay.

I'm some kind of monster.

 **Day 125**

The ship's VI answered one of my questions without me having to ask.

 **Day 127**

As my "abilities" develop, I become aware of people around. I made the admiral sneeze, through a wall. Didn't even need to see her.

I try to make it cute and harmless, but I'm progressively more horrified at what I could do.

 **Day 128**

That fucking knife... poor Lili.

I really needed to know. I wish I had not.

I made Elara throw herself out of the airlock. I walked her there with my mind, had her manipulate the controls, and as she pressed the last button that would space her, I hit the emergency override on the other side of the door, saving her from myself.

Then I hugged her and watched her cry.

Everyone is too nice with me on this ship. I should be the one thrown out of the airlock.

 **Day 128**

Goddess.

I have found Liara, at last!

I feel her as the light of a distant star. She is out there. All I want to do is rush there, but... What the fuck have I become ? What if I hurt her, or even _force_ her ?...

Shit, shit, shit.

 **Day 130**

The Geth were upon us, out of nowhere.

I elbow into the holo room, where our admiral is talking to them. They seem friendlier than her. When the Geth holo sees me, though, he seems... amazed.

"Shepard-Source. Although we do not understand why you exist as an individual, we are pleased to meet you. Thank you for saving us from destruction."

The Geth ignore the admiral. I step forward. "Nice to meet you too. You seem to have developed new FTL ?"

"Yes. We wish to reunite with our own, stranded after the mass relay destruction. We are seeding a new transport grid across space. We felt you might find this useful too."

The asari are surprised, but quick to react: "We are doing the same. Did you develop this yourselves ?"

"Yes. We were alone, there was no other solution for us. If you have similar systems, we propose cooperation to ensure compatibility."

I back the Geth, and everyone agrees. How did I do that ?

Then, the Geth request interviews with the science team, and … a private interview with me. We let them come aboard.


	3. The Truth

**Chapter 3: The Truth**

* * *

Alice and the Geth had lots of catching-up to do. She told about the Catalyst, Synthesis, her death, her resurrection... They told about everything they had done during these thirty years, their longing to reunite with their own... And finally,

"Why do you call me Shepard-Source ?"

"You are the source pattern that was used for Synthesis. We do not know how it happened, but you are inside of us, now. Your pattern is inside everyone, even if they are unaware...

We are aware of this. It allows us to understand you."

The implications were ominous. "Lately I seem to be able to read people's minds, and somehow control them."

"Hypothesis: You were the pattern used to rewrite them. It makes sense."

Alice paced in the room, horrified: "Fuck, No! I never wanted this!"

"Shepard-Source, we may acquire more information if you use this ability on us."

She did, just a little. She made the Geth blink.

"Hypothesis confirmed. You can control us. We have no choice but to trust you."

Alice had to sit down. "Would it stop if I died ?"

"You spoke of your resurrection. You are part of all life, artificial and synthetic, like redundant backups. This individual form may perhaps die, but It is likely that Shepard-Source cannot die. We are unwilling to try to kill you to confirm."

The Geth then expressed deep sadness: "We think that... you will have to live with it. We can offer hospitality, if you desire."

Alice was slipping into despair.

 _Everyone on board likes me... did I make them ?  
I have no official authority, yet the admiral backed my choice without questioning.  
Even when she allowed me on the ship in the first place...  
They need to run away from me! And I need this curse to stop! Liara... _

She accepted the offer. The Geth gave her a ship, and a crew of volunteers, fully informed of what she was. The consensus was to trust her.

The asari refused to let her go, however. She _convinced_ them.

Lili wanted to come with her. Lili pleaded, said she loved her, that she would accept waiting until Shepard would choose her...

That was the worst. Alice had spent more time with her than she had with Liara! There was no more war, no more pressure, they had all the time to talk. Alice had melded with her to show her how to use the connection. She had seen her mind... and she knew that she would have fallen for her, completely. Liara simply came first.

This night, on the Geth ship, while eating, Shepard stabbed her own hand with her knife. She was so enraged she went all the way through. She deserved it.

.

* * *

Alice's ship was rushing towards Liara, as fast as possible. She would need three years.

However, they could not meet before sorting out her "issues." Alice called it her curse. The Geth were the only ones who could help. Alice had specifically requested certain equipment to be brought aboard.

The Geth experimented on her. It became clear that Alice could subconsciously influence people. She would most likely use it to make everyone appreciate her, but it was possible that someone she hated would, one day, feel suicidal.

"It is simple. I need an OFF switch for this crazy indoctrination thing. I don't care if you have to dissect me."

They did, always with her consent. They monitored everything. They probed her brain. They examined, and they understood. Alice went through so much pain...

To no avail. There was no way. It was not something she was doing herself. It just was.

People recognized Alice as a part of themselves, because she was. Everyone was also part of Alice.

She was the Source Pattern used for Synthesis. People unconsciously, naturally recognized her as such, and welcomed her influence. Every being wanted to lose itself and become a cell inside the galactic-wide organism of Alice. This was the essence of Synthesis. It was the point. It was exactly how it was supposed to be.

In the end, the only conscience left would be Alice. Everyone else would be one of her cells. Smart cells perhaps, able to talk, maybe even have opinions as long as they did not contradict Alice's, but ultimately, slaves, at best.

The solution to end all wars, designed by the Reapers. The Catalyst hadn't told her about the fine print.

It was too late to stop it. All she could do was delay it by removing herself from the picture.

Alice insisted. This was the result of Reaper technology. Therefore, there must exist a technology to undo it. The Geth would have to convince everyone that they had to find it.

"Fuck! I should have chosen to destroy them!"

"We concur. In light of this new information, our extinction would have been an acceptable tradeoff to avoid this abomination."

Alice knew why she had resurrected, and why she couldn't age. It was so she could be imprisoned as long as necessary, inside this body, to buy everyone time while they looked for a way to undo her sins.

If her body died or was destroyed, she would escape, and Synthesis would resume. She had no choice.

 _Find a way to get rid of me. I beg you._

.

* * *

Alice arrived at her destination, sent probes, watched monitors.

There was the Normandy wreck, surrounded by a few houses, orchards, and fields. Some tilled, some with cultures growing, others with local animals pasturing. Alice's hands were trembling as she adjusted the optics and brought the probe closer. There were silhouettes in the orchards, gathering fruit. There were her friends, her crew. Children, too, playing. They had survived. It was all so peaceful. And there was Liara, burning the screen with her unmistakable color. Burning Shepard's heart.

Alice crashed the probe into the sea, locked herself in her cabin, and stayed there, crying, for days.

 _I beg you, find a way to get rid of me._

If she stayed here, watching Liara on the monitors, she would eventually go insane, and wreck the galaxy. She had to land.

The Geth would station a fleet around this planet, guard it, and drop supplies if needed. Everyone attempting to enter would be informed of what she was. No-one would ever leave.

A group of volunteers, large enough to ensure genetic diversity, would have to be brought in. Alice specifically excluded Lili, in case she requested it.

The Geth would work on making Liara immortal, if possible. They concurred, as this would increase the chances of Alice not going insane.

If that happened, the people on this planet would be her toys. Sacrifices to keep the rest of the galaxy safe. Unless she found a way to escape, in which case, all would be lost.

Alice embraced her fate. She had chosen it, thirty three and a half years before.

 _I chose to play God, and failed. I changed the existence of everyone without asking for their consent. I took away their free will._

 _Every time Liara will smile at me, or make love to me, I will not know if it is sincere, or if I make her do it. This will be my punishment, until they find a way to get rid of me._

So be it.

She sent a probe to talk to her friends. She explained. Some decided to leave, most decided to stay.

Then she landed, and ran into Liara's arms.

And fuck everything.

.

* * *

 **Epilogue:** author says -

Well, that was Synthesis. Don't trust a Reaper to rewrite your brain I guess.

Now, please leave a review (I really appreciate constructive criticism)!


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